Learning to Sit Apart When You’re Together

For the first time since high school, Matt (my fiance) and I have the unutterable privilege of getting to spend time every day in each other’s company. Even when I was in the Middle East and he was in Virginia, we spoke by video chat every day. When we live in different states, every moment together is short and precious and feels fleeting. This is heartbreakingly lonely, but now we’re back in the same timezone it’s all good, right?

But we’re still both introverts. This has been slowly dawning on me, but even enjoying each other’s company more than anyone else’s, we still need time to organize our own complex inner lives. Our current schedule does not make this easy, as my long commute and dependance/fondness for buses replaces possible regrouping time with public-transit time.

So where does the recharge time come from? I’ve cut down my commute time to get more sleep, and am learning to ask for time to myself during our evenings together. I think I need to learn to sit away from Matt sometimes in the evenings (and since he’s an introvert, I think he needs this time too), taking time when we’re together to do things quietly by ourselves does not seem romantic, or even intuitive. Usually seeing each other takes so much more effort (not than an hour of bus-rides a day is a picnik now) that every moment we had to be doing something together. It is difficult to think that we may need to sit apart when we’re together because I find such joy in his company.

But at this particular stage in our relationship, it is just what we need.

Inspirational Quote:

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but it looking outward in the same direction.”–Antoine de Saint Exupery


  1. Yes. I’m an INTP by Meyers-Briggs (when I took the test nearly 20 years ago, at least). Introverts do need time to themselves, as it’s on their own that they energize. I’m glad that you and your fiance have recognized that and honor it. There’s some quote out there about hoping that one can feel the breeze of the universe between oneself and another.

    I thought it cute when you used the phrase “play an extrovert”. I do find more pleasure in interaction, these days, more than 20 years ago. And I think that’s partly from valuing my own privacy, and choosing what I will say and not say.

    I like the Antoine St. Exupery quote. I’ve heard it before, and there’s much wisdom in it. Love “The Little Prince”. 🙂

Get in touch

%d bloggers like this: