I’ve been feeling a little stuck lately, blogging-wise. I’ve always had cycles (high intensity, good writing and low motivation, medium writing), but lately I’ve felt more constricted than usual. It might be that important things going on in my life are private, it might be that I am trying to create a portfolio of similar-subjected posts and so am reluctant to blog outside of that portfolio, but I think it is this: I am afraid that someone, someday, will use something I say here to prove I am stupid, hypocritical, or biased. I am afraid that during my Congressional hearings for confirmation to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, the Senator Helms-clone at the time will ask me about my abortion stance, my attachment to the Slog, my advocacy of a view I no longer hold–something I wrote here when I was 20, young, free, and less-educated than I will be at that time.
I am also afraid to criticize, to use FeelingElephants not just to support programs I have enjoyed, but also to point out their faults. Or to respond to the recent rash of ugly comments on FeelingElephants, for fear of inciting a flame-war. Because I believe in praising publicly and criticizing privately, and I am afraid if I criticize publicly, someone, someday, will think Ill of me for doing so.
Simply, I’ve been intimidated into silence by my conception of my future.
And I know this is silly, that, by the time I am seeking confirmation to the Supreme Court everyone will have embarrassing quotes and pictures on the internet and that I am assuming a much higher prominence of my views than is likely. But still, the fears persist.
So, I will blog about them. Just to be counter-intuitive, when I blog about something controversial, I feel good. It is in the planning stages that I get stuck–when my second thoughts censor my first sight (Tiffany rocks, btw).
So. FeelingElephants is back.
(I hope).
Inspirational Quote:
“Ezekiel told me that the rivalry among himself, Rahm, and their third brother, Ariel, a Hollywood agent who is the basis for the Ari Gold character on HBO’s “Entourage,” was so intense that they had to pursue careers in different cities. “We couldn’t possibly be within a thousand miles of each other, because the force fields just wouldn’t let it happen,” Ezekiel said. Rahm is now his boss; he works at the White House as an adviser to the budget director on health policy.”–http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/03/02/090302fa_fact_lizza?currentPage=4
Thank you for some insightful remarks about the circumstances of your writing of your blog.
But I don’t understand why you are “also afraid to criticize”.
In my opinion, and according to the greek root of the word, criticising means to scrutinise something, to try to understand it, and finally to try to separate its truth from its falsity.
No one should be afraid of doing this, and as far as I can tell from several of
your articles in your blog: you aren’t, thus gaining my appreciation.